Christopher (hospitius) wrote,

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letter to Rob

Subject: Oh Christ
Date: July 9, 2004 12:23:52 PM EDT

Sorry you won't be coming down this weekend--it would have been so great to see you. I pulled the plug on the wedding and am luxuriating in my first weekend alone in, shit, I don't know how long. My sister and I needed some serious separate time. Am way grateful for this port in the storm but I'm starting to feel like her husband not her brother--even Neil and I were never together this much. Frankly, it's a little creepy--and not in a good buffy-way.

Just finished week 3 of the new yob. I was sold and signed on for a more gentle publishing experience at the genteel National Geographic magazine in DC than I had experienced in big bad New York. Uh, was I hosed. Apparently, I was born yesterday. With a one-hour commute tacked on both ways I've got 12 hour killer stress days. The good news is that there is absolutely no freakin way I am going to stay at this for any longer than I absolutely have to to get back on my feet. I seriously doubt I'll stay at it long enough to make my way to Paris. If I can hump this for a year and save as much as I can, I can head back to NYC and get an apt and find a job doing--oh, I don't know--anything else that lets me write.

The only bright spot in all this is that, oddly, I AM still writing. I banged out that story I sent you in a weekend, and have been working on another one, with notes for a third that I'm really excited about. My writing is my refuge, and that is a place I want to spend a lot of time in. Its also the key to not identifying with this job, not getting so wrapped up in it that it becomes my identity. Which, really, would be the death of me. This is my biggest fear and I'm constantly on guard against it because the job is so all-consuming that it will eat me if I let it.

Speaking of jobs that eat you----last night after my sister left I collapsed on the couch and started a Buffy marathon. Haven't watched much of my Season 6 DVD lately and I just put in the next episode in the season. It was the one where Buffy has to get a job right away so she gets hired at the Doublemeat Palace--where, of course, the employees keep disappearing and she thinks they are getting fed to the meat grinder. So, picture this, I'm completely exhausted and almost giddy with relief at being alone for the first time in months, just looking to tune it all out, and this scene between Buffy and Spike unfolds:

Reveal Spike standing by the counter, examining the menu board above.

BUFFY: This'll make my day complete. (sighs, walks over to the cash register) What?
SPIKE: What's in the DoubleMeat nuggets?
BUFFY: I'm working. Go away.
SPIKE: Yeah, and you chose to be in the consumer service profession, and I'm a consumer. (smirking) Service me.
BUFFY: (not amused) Order something or go.
SPIKE: (sighs) Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. Makes me look dead.

Buffy makes an annoyed face.

SPIKE: Some demons love 'em. The way they vibrate makes the skin twitch. That the kinda demon you are, luv?
BUFFY: I am not a demon. I don't know why you can hit me, but (firmly) I am not a demon.
SPIKE: Oh. I see. That why you took this job? Prove something to yourself? A normal job for a normal girl? (shakes his head) Good way to drive yourself crazy, that is.
BUFFY: (shrugs) I'll be fine.

Spike leans forward, puts his hands on the counter.

SPIKE: Buffy.

She just stares at him.

SPIKE: You're not happy here.
BUFFY: (quietly) Please don't make this harder.
SPIKE: You don't belong here. You're something ... you're better than this.
BUFFY: I need the money.
SPIKE: I can get money. (gestures with his head) Walk with me now, come on.
BUFFY: I ... I need to go help Gary with the fries.

She turns to go but Spike grabs her arm.

SPIKE: You gotta get outta here, this place'll do stuff to you.

Buffy pulls free and walks away.

SPIKE: This place'll kill you!

OK OK OK Universe. I GET IT!

This is not license for you to say I told you so.

I'm really glad you're my friend.


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